So I seem to have fallen into a funk. I am becoming obsessed with love and the concept of it. This is the loneliest i have felt in four years and i just have to have strength and faith that God will bring me out of this. I kinda worry/wonder if it isn't me just trying to force something with someone. I am still trying the concept of walking in faith and walking in his image. I have been trying so hard, and it seems that every time I get a little ahead I get right back behind. I think it is that time of the month where I just break down and cry but I don't want to. I have nothing to cry about, life is going rather well and everything that has been going on has pretty well been brought on by me. At the same time I don't want to feel like I don't deserve better, but I still have to wonder if I deserve anything at all. It all started with a text from an ex... and it blossomed from there. He actually asked if I saw us getting back together. He said he would change all the bad stuff and change his ways. I just have to remember what it said... what it meant... and how I felt when I got it. In my heart I want him back so bad but I think it is more so just to fill the lonely. I just need faith, I need help, I need to be more faithful and I need to try harder to be more righteous. I have been doing well... three days and counting....
So I talked to him last night for like 2 hours, of course an hour of it was MB upstairs terrorizing me.... but it's cool it was fun.... I felt like we were young again. I know that 22 isn't old but it sure isn't young. I just want to feel alive and whole.... Sorry to vent about my mood. I can't seem to get happy tonight.... I might just take myself up on the offer of the cry....
S
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