So the thirty day challenge was just that, a challenge, and I failed it, as I expected I would. I haven't been keeping up with much recently, I feel like life is getting harder and harder to get things done. I got a job YAY but it seems like I am getting limited hours, so I think I have to find a second job.
I failed at the thirdy day challenge in a BIG way. Seriously though. I didn't even make it halfway through. Kind of an euphamism for my life. I usually give up half wayt hrough for the things that don't matter as much to me. There are things that do matter to me that i know I will never give up on....
1) My family, as much as I have malice towards certain people in my family, I will never give up on them. Even when every inch of my being is telling me to just quit thinking about them and let it go, I can't.... most people should know right now that I am talking about my dad. My sisters, oh gosh, what do I say about them, they are my whole world. We NEVER talk, well mary adn I do sometimes, and Wanda and I have sporadic, short, yet meaningful conversations.... but I love them more than life itself... I love them more than chocolate milk! My mom, SHE IS A GODDESS! She is the epitomy or perfection, ok maybe not that perfect but to me she is my everything. She and I probably talk the least, but I swear she is telepathic, she can always call right at the right moment, it's her mom power.
2) My husband, Robert means more to me than I can ever explain. I will never be able to put into straight words what he means to me and to my life. I joked with him, when we first started dating, I had NOOOOOO intention of ever getting serious with him, I was just making friends. Then BOOM a year later we are married. Really funny thing, is that most of his family thought we were pregnant and that's why we wanted a speedy wedding. HAH! I still wonder how many of them really thought we were active!?! SOOO, between, my husband and my mom and sisters technically my heart should explode. Yet, there is still a little room for a kid in my life.
3) Myself, as much as I think about it and as much as I know I should sometimes quit trying stuff. I know that just giving up will get to me. I know that I am amazing and super duper smart and that I can do so much, but sometimes I have other things on my plate. Like going to school, right now it's a goo after thought and I think that I could do it one day, it just seems like I always have too much going on to even think about that as a feasible option. I need to just set it in stone and DO IT! But what do I go to school for...
4) My friends, you know who you are, and most of you don't even read my blogs, funny thing is I know that most of you won't read my blogs. But there are a select few that I would lay my life on the line for... seriously, once I reach that point of trust, it never goes away. One person that I love above all other friends is Amanda, if she called em tomorrow and said she really needed me to come back to Texas, I would be there in an instant. She knows that she can ask anything of me and it will be taken care of. She is a sister to me. My other friends might have to do a hairs worth of convincing to get me to come back at the drop of a hat! ;) I love my friends, they are what keep me sane and grounded.
I need to add one more thing to this list, but it's me having faith to take care of it.... my weight... I found out on Sunday, I have gained 15 POUNDS since I lost my job. Seriously, I was already overweight but now there is another 15 POUNDS! I need to seriously buckle down and start trying to lose... I know I am beautiful, I still get hit on by guys and stuff, but still... I never pictured in my mental image of me as fat, now with these 15 pounds, my mental image is HUGE! GEEZE... 15 POUNDS! So, I don't want to start a weight loss blog, but I am going to start a challenge, anyone that reads this and sees me eating unhealthy food, STOP ME! Remind me of my 15 POUNDS, and remind me that I need to lose weight. Don't stop me from eating just stop me from eating crap that will just make me gain weight again.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Day 10: Songs that you listen to in different moods...
I can say that i listen to TONS of music. I listen to music at any chance, seriously though. I love heavy beats... If I had to break it down by moods I couldn't even name songs there would be so many so I can just name types.
Sad: I listen to usually slower music, songs where the beat will mellow me out, generally softer rock where the melodies can take my mood along different paths: Incubus is a good one.
Mad: I listen to either the same kind of music as sad, unless it is a Deep anger, then I listen to HEAVY rock, the kind of rock that usually irritates me. if I had to pick a good reference, I would say: Distillers or As I Lay Dying.
Happy: I LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE my happy music. Oh goodness the thought alone makes me happy. I love HUGE heavy beats, with a good drumma drumm drumm that I can shake my booty too, with lyrics that make me think about how FLY I am, and a rythm that shakes me to the core... I can't even think of a single general reference, Um, how about Black Eyed Peas... ooh yeah that's a good one.
Calm: I like soft but heavy beats where I can almost kinda trance out and not think about it anymore, I know the perfect reference... Imogen heap... Hide and seek is the most amazing thing that I know, it makes me smile and think back, it puts me into a calmer mood just thinking about it.
Nostalgic: Country, good ole country makes me happy, I listen to the older country that makes me think about all my time back home and it makes me think about growing up, crountry from the 90's reminds me of my mom waking us up, and I would go crawl into her bed while she showered and I would talk to her while she got ready, and I would just watch her and listen to her radio as it played country music, every morning it was 100.3 KILT. She woke up at 6 to the national anthem every morning. I don't know if she still does but it still makes me happy. Wynona, Reba, George, Clint.... all the good ones.
In Love: This is the best, this is the one that I love hte most, these are the ones that make me the happiest, these are the ones that make me think of Robert. These are the slow smooth rythms, the cool soft beats, the wild bass lines, and the ones that make me feel generally sexy... is that weird to say. lol. Let's say some Paula Cole...
Then there are all the moods inbetween, I can listen to heavy Rap to heavy metal, Classical instruments, to Classic Rock, Country to Foreign, I love and appreciate ALL music... any and all music.
I love the arts!!
Sad: I listen to usually slower music, songs where the beat will mellow me out, generally softer rock where the melodies can take my mood along different paths: Incubus is a good one.
Mad: I listen to either the same kind of music as sad, unless it is a Deep anger, then I listen to HEAVY rock, the kind of rock that usually irritates me. if I had to pick a good reference, I would say: Distillers or As I Lay Dying.
Happy: I LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE my happy music. Oh goodness the thought alone makes me happy. I love HUGE heavy beats, with a good drumma drumm drumm that I can shake my booty too, with lyrics that make me think about how FLY I am, and a rythm that shakes me to the core... I can't even think of a single general reference, Um, how about Black Eyed Peas... ooh yeah that's a good one.
Calm: I like soft but heavy beats where I can almost kinda trance out and not think about it anymore, I know the perfect reference... Imogen heap... Hide and seek is the most amazing thing that I know, it makes me smile and think back, it puts me into a calmer mood just thinking about it.
Nostalgic: Country, good ole country makes me happy, I listen to the older country that makes me think about all my time back home and it makes me think about growing up, crountry from the 90's reminds me of my mom waking us up, and I would go crawl into her bed while she showered and I would talk to her while she got ready, and I would just watch her and listen to her radio as it played country music, every morning it was 100.3 KILT. She woke up at 6 to the national anthem every morning. I don't know if she still does but it still makes me happy. Wynona, Reba, George, Clint.... all the good ones.
In Love: This is the best, this is the one that I love hte most, these are the ones that make me the happiest, these are the ones that make me think of Robert. These are the slow smooth rythms, the cool soft beats, the wild bass lines, and the ones that make me feel generally sexy... is that weird to say. lol. Let's say some Paula Cole...
Then there are all the moods inbetween, I can listen to heavy Rap to heavy metal, Classical instruments, to Classic Rock, Country to Foreign, I love and appreciate ALL music... any and all music.
I love the arts!!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Day 9: Something I'm proud of in the last few days...
Um, I woke up this morning?
I know it sounds silly but there is nothing that I have done to make me proud in the last few days, there is nothing special that has been done at all.
Every day of the last few weeks has been spent doing the same dang thing... it's been wake up, get of Facebook, piddle around, walk the dog, feed the dog, pet the dog, eat something, think about dinner, get stuff out for dinner, and then make dinner. There have been very few variances, I went to the FHC library one day, I went to the real library one day, I sat around and watched movies one day, but nothing else.
I have been puttin in applications everywhere, it seems like someone would have called me back by now. I know that as soon as I get a job and become unavailable everyone is going to start calling me. Until then I just get to sit here waiting for that day. It's hard not having a job, I enjoy spending more time with my doggy, but dogs sleep for 16 hrs a day, he's a bum I bet he sleeps for 20! I guess I am proud that I haven't killed the cat, everyone knows I have had issues with her, well Robert more so than I have recently, but if my husband has a problem, I have a problem. So the cat... is enemy number 1! If I could just get her to stop whining in the morning and waking me up, or walking on us at all hours of the night. She's sharp as a tack. SERIOUSLY! She knows that Robert feeds her, she knows that he feeds her at a certain time in his morning, so when that time comes, even if it is a Saturday or Sunday she will come in and he will have to get up and feed her. SHE SUCKS! Then I feel bad because Robert will have trouble sleeping after that.
She's evil....
I haven't been proud of much recently, I'm proud of my husband, there have many days recently where he has been working overtime, A) cause we need the extra money and B) because his normal helper is out sick for the next 6 months and possibly longer :(
I guess it's better to say, that I have been proud of things, I just haven't been proud of myself, I'm in a funk and nothing seems good right now. I'm thinking it's a minor depression because I am always tired, and all I do is munch when I am awake. I know what you're thinking, and no I am not pregnant, and even if I was, it would be a few months before those things would hit me.
Wait, I am proud, I am proud of my sister, she is going through so much more than I am, and she's pregnant, and she is still positive, I am proud of her because a lesser person would be in a deep depression and she is making the best of everything. I know that they will come out on top and I can't wait for little Mary Noel or the boy name she told me about from her husband's side of the family... whatever that is... I just can't wait for another kid in the family. I'm proud of my other sister, she was down and out for awhile, and now she has a good job, she's in school, and she has a great guy. Her life is looking really up. I am so proud of her for overcoming all of her obstacles and still being herself. My sisters make me happy all the time just thinking about them. Then there's my mom, I'm proud of her most of all, she doesn't whine when she doesn't hear from her daughters for a month, she is all trusting and all knowing. It seems that she knows just when to call, and when she does call she knows just what to say to help us. I am proud of my mom for being the strongest person I will ever know. My sisters and I have done some pretty messed up stuff in our day... yet she is still there and she still loves us. I know she will never read this but I love her most of all....
I miss my family.
I know it sounds silly but there is nothing that I have done to make me proud in the last few days, there is nothing special that has been done at all.
Every day of the last few weeks has been spent doing the same dang thing... it's been wake up, get of Facebook, piddle around, walk the dog, feed the dog, pet the dog, eat something, think about dinner, get stuff out for dinner, and then make dinner. There have been very few variances, I went to the FHC library one day, I went to the real library one day, I sat around and watched movies one day, but nothing else.
I have been puttin in applications everywhere, it seems like someone would have called me back by now. I know that as soon as I get a job and become unavailable everyone is going to start calling me. Until then I just get to sit here waiting for that day. It's hard not having a job, I enjoy spending more time with my doggy, but dogs sleep for 16 hrs a day, he's a bum I bet he sleeps for 20! I guess I am proud that I haven't killed the cat, everyone knows I have had issues with her, well Robert more so than I have recently, but if my husband has a problem, I have a problem. So the cat... is enemy number 1! If I could just get her to stop whining in the morning and waking me up, or walking on us at all hours of the night. She's sharp as a tack. SERIOUSLY! She knows that Robert feeds her, she knows that he feeds her at a certain time in his morning, so when that time comes, even if it is a Saturday or Sunday she will come in and he will have to get up and feed her. SHE SUCKS! Then I feel bad because Robert will have trouble sleeping after that.
She's evil....
I haven't been proud of much recently, I'm proud of my husband, there have many days recently where he has been working overtime, A) cause we need the extra money and B) because his normal helper is out sick for the next 6 months and possibly longer :(
I guess it's better to say, that I have been proud of things, I just haven't been proud of myself, I'm in a funk and nothing seems good right now. I'm thinking it's a minor depression because I am always tired, and all I do is munch when I am awake. I know what you're thinking, and no I am not pregnant, and even if I was, it would be a few months before those things would hit me.
Wait, I am proud, I am proud of my sister, she is going through so much more than I am, and she's pregnant, and she is still positive, I am proud of her because a lesser person would be in a deep depression and she is making the best of everything. I know that they will come out on top and I can't wait for little Mary Noel or the boy name she told me about from her husband's side of the family... whatever that is... I just can't wait for another kid in the family. I'm proud of my other sister, she was down and out for awhile, and now she has a good job, she's in school, and she has a great guy. Her life is looking really up. I am so proud of her for overcoming all of her obstacles and still being herself. My sisters make me happy all the time just thinking about them. Then there's my mom, I'm proud of her most of all, she doesn't whine when she doesn't hear from her daughters for a month, she is all trusting and all knowing. It seems that she knows just when to call, and when she does call she knows just what to say to help us. I am proud of my mom for being the strongest person I will ever know. My sisters and I have done some pretty messed up stuff in our day... yet she is still there and she still loves us. I know she will never read this but I love her most of all....
I miss my family.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Day 8: Short term goals for this month and why
Goals... I don't really make those, I hope to just make it out alive and in love. If I had to make some up, they would border on:
1. Find a SUPER cool present for my hubsters, his birthday is on the 15th, I know that's only 6 days to find one... ugh... I am so lost on this topic, I don't even know where to start with the man that gets whatever he wants. Any suggestions!?!
2.Use my valentine's day gift even if it kills me, story time, Robert told me he got me a present already, and I didn't believe him, well he toldme it was hidden at the house, so calling his bluff, I told him I found it, I was smart I waited 2 days before I told him. Apparently he believed me and now he just left it out in the open for me to find. I feel ABSOLUTELY terrible, because he knows I like surprises and I feel like I let him down... SOOO now I have to use it NO MATTER WHAT!
3. Lose some weight using my valentine's day gift, which is Zumba FItness for the Kinect, Again HONEY I'M SORRY FOR BLUFFING YOU! Apparently I am a better liar than I thought! ARGH! (this just increases the pressure for an amazing gift for his birthday! :( )
4.Find Florence Obedience, I know this might not make sense to some, but I have been doing a lot of genealogy work and on my mom's side we have lines that go back to the 1100's on my dad's side, it stops at my great grandparents on my papa's side, and it goes for a bit on my grandma's but I need to find Florence Obedience, I already found my greatgrandfather I am just delving into wether the one I Found is the right one, I have to say though that the evidence is pointing to me being correct.
5.FIND A JOB! I kinda like being out of work, sorta... I don't like not having stuff to do, and this blog really only supplements like 20 minutes of my time so I have another 16 hours to fill, normally I do well tailing Robert and fishing for how his day was and that's my evening, so there takes off about 6 hours.. so for 10 hours I have to entertain myself, NOT COOL! I don't do well with that, I am not as interesting as some of you think, in fact, one day I spent 6 of those hours on facebook... again NOT COOL! I don't know how I did it, I was probably facebook stalking YOU! That makes you obviously more interesting than I am .
6.Complete this challenge, I just hope that I don't lose interest in it, some of the questions are kinda cool, other's not so much, but hey they work and they get you thinking. So.... Is 6 enough, I could think of some really short term goals.
7. Shower
8.Cook dinner at some point
9.Visit with Tina (maybe if she's not busy already)
10. Make invitations for Tina's baby shower.... Argh... gotta go get paper!
Do the last 4 count? Oh well...
1. Find a SUPER cool present for my hubsters, his birthday is on the 15th, I know that's only 6 days to find one... ugh... I am so lost on this topic, I don't even know where to start with the man that gets whatever he wants. Any suggestions!?!
2.Use my valentine's day gift even if it kills me, story time, Robert told me he got me a present already, and I didn't believe him, well he toldme it was hidden at the house, so calling his bluff, I told him I found it, I was smart I waited 2 days before I told him. Apparently he believed me and now he just left it out in the open for me to find. I feel ABSOLUTELY terrible, because he knows I like surprises and I feel like I let him down... SOOO now I have to use it NO MATTER WHAT!
3. Lose some weight using my valentine's day gift, which is Zumba FItness for the Kinect, Again HONEY I'M SORRY FOR BLUFFING YOU! Apparently I am a better liar than I thought! ARGH! (this just increases the pressure for an amazing gift for his birthday! :( )
4.Find Florence Obedience, I know this might not make sense to some, but I have been doing a lot of genealogy work and on my mom's side we have lines that go back to the 1100's on my dad's side, it stops at my great grandparents on my papa's side, and it goes for a bit on my grandma's but I need to find Florence Obedience, I already found my greatgrandfather I am just delving into wether the one I Found is the right one, I have to say though that the evidence is pointing to me being correct.
5.FIND A JOB! I kinda like being out of work, sorta... I don't like not having stuff to do, and this blog really only supplements like 20 minutes of my time so I have another 16 hours to fill, normally I do well tailing Robert and fishing for how his day was and that's my evening, so there takes off about 6 hours.. so for 10 hours I have to entertain myself, NOT COOL! I don't do well with that, I am not as interesting as some of you think, in fact, one day I spent 6 of those hours on facebook... again NOT COOL! I don't know how I did it, I was probably facebook stalking YOU! That makes you obviously more interesting than I am .
6.Complete this challenge, I just hope that I don't lose interest in it, some of the questions are kinda cool, other's not so much, but hey they work and they get you thinking. So.... Is 6 enough, I could think of some really short term goals.
7. Shower
8.Cook dinner at some point
9.Visit with Tina (maybe if she's not busy already)
10. Make invitations for Tina's baby shower.... Argh... gotta go get paper!
Do the last 4 count? Oh well...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Day 7: a picture of someone or something that has the biggest impact on you...
I think you guys are getting the hint that I don't have just one... there is always more than just one with everything I do. So, this is the easiest solution..
Then this brings to mind a poem, I read A LOT in high school... this was a regular, I printed it and would use it as a bookmark and when I got tired of reading I would read this then go back to reading...
Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.
There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.
This poem is called Alone, by Maya Angelou, I discovered her in 6th grade and she was a regular addition to my reading since then. I love her work and some make my cry and some make me laugh and some make me change my life around.
I liked how they put faith first on the plaque, that is my life, when I finally put the Lord first, and let him lead instead of trying to be one step ahead, there was a release of burden. Instead of wanting change now and wanting everything now, I learned that everything comes with time. I was in a REALLY bad place in my life when I came to South Carolina, nobody may have known it but I was so depressed... life wasn't fun or even worth it anymore... I just coasted day to day not caring if I would make it to the next. Then I came here, and I met some friends of my sisters, and once I finally listened to what they were saying, really listened... it changed my life. I became genuinely happy, and I enjoy waking up every day now, life just seems better.
Then this brings to mind a poem, I read A LOT in high school... this was a regular, I printed it and would use it as a bookmark and when I got tired of reading I would read this then go back to reading...
Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.
There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.
This poem is called Alone, by Maya Angelou, I discovered her in 6th grade and she was a regular addition to my reading since then. I love her work and some make my cry and some make me laugh and some make me change my life around.
I liked how they put faith first on the plaque, that is my life, when I finally put the Lord first, and let him lead instead of trying to be one step ahead, there was a release of burden. Instead of wanting change now and wanting everything now, I learned that everything comes with time. I was in a REALLY bad place in my life when I came to South Carolina, nobody may have known it but I was so depressed... life wasn't fun or even worth it anymore... I just coasted day to day not caring if I would make it to the next. Then I came here, and I met some friends of my sisters, and once I finally listened to what they were saying, really listened... it changed my life. I became genuinely happy, and I enjoy waking up every day now, life just seems better.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Day 6... ON DAY 6 is this a good thing ;)
Day 6: My favorite superhero and why.
Jeeze... I don't think I actually have one, does Peter Petrelli count? If you have to google him then I guess not, if you don't then you're probably a Syler fan. Either way, not sure he counts...
This is going to be my shortest blog ever... Peter Petrelli... cause he's kinda cute, even though his weird talk out of the side of his mouth thing he does freaks me out...
Jeeze... I don't think I actually have one, does Peter Petrelli count? If you have to google him then I guess not, if you don't then you're probably a Syler fan. Either way, not sure he counts...
This is going to be my shortest blog ever... Peter Petrelli... cause he's kinda cute, even though his weird talk out of the side of his mouth thing he does freaks me out...
The Blog formerly knows as: Day 4: I'm on top of the game! (Also day 5)
Obviously this is day 6 and I haven't even posted day 4 or 5... do I sense a trend coming?!?
Don't worry this whole working ahead of schedule won't last... or I could just do all 30 days and save them as drafts then on the right days just publish them... that's a thought... Hmm... something to consider!
Day 4: A habit I wish I didn't have.
Oh gosh! I could do a top 10 habits I wish I didn't have...
...straightening up the shelves when I go through the grocery store...
...popping my toes just cause I can...
...picking my nose anytime I feel like any air is getting blocked...
...skipping songs in the car even when I like it, just to hear what's next...
... wiggling my toes cause I don't like to sit still...
...checking the door or checking that my husband did it, can't stand the thought that it's unlocked...
...having buyers remorse after buying ANYTHING, although I don't know if that counts as a habit...
...checking twice to make sure the phone call was ended...
... eating just cause it's there and it sounds good...
...cleaning my nails anytime I'm nervous...
...staring off into space cause I like the way it feels on my eyeballs...
then again these are some of the few things that get me through my day, so maybe I shouldn't stop doing them, it makes my day go faster! Seriously I do wish I could stop wiggling my toes, but it's like the energy gets built up and if I don't move somewhere the energy is going to burst out of me, weird thing is if I sit still too long I start to get a little nauseaus, or if I focus on something too hard it makes me nauseaus... you should have seen me trying to thread needles, especially if it was the end of a particularly bad day, I would have to get someone else to thread it because I couldn't physically do it without wanting to throw up... gosh I'm weird...
Oh well, day 4 done! Let's see if day 5 is on time!
Day 5: A picture of somewhere you've been to (is this correct grammatics? It's how the website worded it...)
The temple has been weighing heavily on my mind recently, not sure why but I feel as though I am being pulled to go. It's been almost a year. I know, I never thought I would be one of those people that only went for my own sessions and never went back. My old bishop even told me this happens to people. I can't complain cause it's not that far away, I just know that I need to go back. When I went through for my sessions it was such a blur, I don't remember much. I think we may try and go at some point in one of the next few weekends. Maybe that will be what we do for Robert's free day off... sounds good to me! Just gotta get everything set up, and people that can go, and want to go, let me know, I will totally include you guys in our trip, the more the merrier! I <3 the temple!
I was going to put a picture of Texas, that's also been weighing on my mind a lot, I just know I need to get my priorities straighter... put the Lord's needs before my own... I think I want to make a plaque that says that. Oh well... maybe I can find something to post for day 6, it's a hard day for me...
Don't worry this whole working ahead of schedule won't last... or I could just do all 30 days and save them as drafts then on the right days just publish them... that's a thought... Hmm... something to consider!
Day 4: A habit I wish I didn't have.
Oh gosh! I could do a top 10 habits I wish I didn't have...
...straightening up the shelves when I go through the grocery store...
...popping my toes just cause I can...
...picking my nose anytime I feel like any air is getting blocked...
...skipping songs in the car even when I like it, just to hear what's next...
... wiggling my toes cause I don't like to sit still...
...checking the door or checking that my husband did it, can't stand the thought that it's unlocked...
...having buyers remorse after buying ANYTHING, although I don't know if that counts as a habit...
...checking twice to make sure the phone call was ended...
... eating just cause it's there and it sounds good...
...cleaning my nails anytime I'm nervous...
...staring off into space cause I like the way it feels on my eyeballs...
then again these are some of the few things that get me through my day, so maybe I shouldn't stop doing them, it makes my day go faster! Seriously I do wish I could stop wiggling my toes, but it's like the energy gets built up and if I don't move somewhere the energy is going to burst out of me, weird thing is if I sit still too long I start to get a little nauseaus, or if I focus on something too hard it makes me nauseaus... you should have seen me trying to thread needles, especially if it was the end of a particularly bad day, I would have to get someone else to thread it because I couldn't physically do it without wanting to throw up... gosh I'm weird...
Oh well, day 4 done! Let's see if day 5 is on time!
Day 5: A picture of somewhere you've been to (is this correct grammatics? It's how the website worded it...)
I was going to put a picture of Texas, that's also been weighing on my mind a lot, I just know I need to get my priorities straighter... put the Lord's needs before my own... I think I want to make a plaque that says that. Oh well... maybe I can find something to post for day 6, it's a hard day for me...
Friday, February 4, 2011
Already a fail... days 2 and 3
HA HA HA! This is so the story of my life, I already failed the 30 day challenge! HA! Ok, so I am gonna cheat a little and combine days 2 and 3 together... I think it will still work and it will get me caught up!
Day 2: The meaning behind my blog name...
So, ugh the meaning behind my name... do I really have enough time to get through it and would you really understand if I did?!?
I usually chalk up my thoughts to random ramblings and everyone used to tell me I lost my mind, or as my mom would put it, you have to ahve one in the first place! But this blog is actually a random analysis of my brain... I was raised with an ADD dad and two ADD sisters although we were never really diagnosed, we could sit at the table for hours, literally HOURS, we were in 4th-8th grades and we would sit with my dad and for HOURS into the night he and we could ramble for every about everything, it could cover politics, to 4 storke engines, to the progression of cars, to the progressive movements over seas... and everything could be tied back to something so whether we started with the civil war and ended on how swimming pool chemicals really worked we could tell you exactly how everything fit together, and I still have that thought process, you say one thing and I have already analyzed it and turned it into a file to be set in my brain, it's where I take the thought that scares most people. The phrase I love hearing from Robert is, "Where did that come from?" My response is do you really want to know, and if I get a no then I leave it alone if I get a yes I actually drop into each thought and explain to him exactly how my thought process works and his usual response is, "Wow, baby, you think way too much!" I just nod and shake my head... perfect example of this is from awhile back... and well... I'm not sure how many people wanna know the whole story but I don't want to offend anyone because it is of a sexual aspect, sorta. But it stemmed to me saying that I knew how John Wayne really died... Yeah... my brain is broken sometimes! :D But that's where my name comes from, it is my crazy ramblings from a girl who is well on her way to losing her mind!
Day 3: A pic of your friends...
So seriously this is just how OCD I am... it is in alphabetical order... and for those of you who may look at the picture after Cameron and see me... no I didn't put it in the wrong order, I am looking up towards God... wait I should have put it in a different spot, I was thinking Christ... oh well... you get the hint. Also, $ I didn't put your picture in the wrong spot, I had you saved as Truman... that's why it's after Tina... :D just so you know.
Also these are the people that popped in my head when I realized I didn't have any pics of all my friends and there are so many more I can't even name. These are just the people I have talked to in the past 2-3 days. So deal with it! :P Anyways, here it goes, and kudos if you can name everyone, I doubt anyone can!
Some of these people I pine to see more... like literally my body aches with desire to see you more... my sisters and my friends back home... it feel like forever since I have gotten to see you or hold you or just laugh with you... my friends here that I don't see enough... well there's nothing I can say to that other than, we need to get together more. I <3 my friends, seriously though.
Dang 2 hours and I have to do day 4... I guess I better get started on that too! HA!
Day 2: The meaning behind my blog name...
So, ugh the meaning behind my name... do I really have enough time to get through it and would you really understand if I did?!?
I usually chalk up my thoughts to random ramblings and everyone used to tell me I lost my mind, or as my mom would put it, you have to ahve one in the first place! But this blog is actually a random analysis of my brain... I was raised with an ADD dad and two ADD sisters although we were never really diagnosed, we could sit at the table for hours, literally HOURS, we were in 4th-8th grades and we would sit with my dad and for HOURS into the night he and we could ramble for every about everything, it could cover politics, to 4 storke engines, to the progression of cars, to the progressive movements over seas... and everything could be tied back to something so whether we started with the civil war and ended on how swimming pool chemicals really worked we could tell you exactly how everything fit together, and I still have that thought process, you say one thing and I have already analyzed it and turned it into a file to be set in my brain, it's where I take the thought that scares most people. The phrase I love hearing from Robert is, "Where did that come from?" My response is do you really want to know, and if I get a no then I leave it alone if I get a yes I actually drop into each thought and explain to him exactly how my thought process works and his usual response is, "Wow, baby, you think way too much!" I just nod and shake my head... perfect example of this is from awhile back... and well... I'm not sure how many people wanna know the whole story but I don't want to offend anyone because it is of a sexual aspect, sorta. But it stemmed to me saying that I knew how John Wayne really died... Yeah... my brain is broken sometimes! :D But that's where my name comes from, it is my crazy ramblings from a girl who is well on her way to losing her mind!
Day 3: A pic of your friends...
So seriously this is just how OCD I am... it is in alphabetical order... and for those of you who may look at the picture after Cameron and see me... no I didn't put it in the wrong order, I am looking up towards God... wait I should have put it in a different spot, I was thinking Christ... oh well... you get the hint. Also, $ I didn't put your picture in the wrong spot, I had you saved as Truman... that's why it's after Tina... :D just so you know.
Also these are the people that popped in my head when I realized I didn't have any pics of all my friends and there are so many more I can't even name. These are just the people I have talked to in the past 2-3 days. So deal with it! :P Anyways, here it goes, and kudos if you can name everyone, I doubt anyone can!
Some of these people I pine to see more... like literally my body aches with desire to see you more... my sisters and my friends back home... it feel like forever since I have gotten to see you or hold you or just laugh with you... my friends here that I don't see enough... well there's nothing I can say to that other than, we need to get together more. I <3 my friends, seriously though.
Dang 2 hours and I have to do day 4... I guess I better get started on that too! HA!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
This is the first day of the thirty day challenge...
I read it on a friend's blog and she challenged all of us to do it, so I figured I would give it a go. I do have to say that this is going to be kinda awkward to do since I usually forget to blog, but it should be productive since I don't have anything better to do...
1. I took 4 pictures before I decided to just go with one I already had.
2. I am in love with indie films and generally watch thema billion times!
3. I think I am a little OCD, hence the fact that I had to go through and first put all the numbers, followed by periods and then one space...
4. I don't like being alone, and when I am alone I have to have noise otherwise my imagination will kill me and I will start hearing noises and seeing shadows, and just generally freak myself out enough that I have to pack up the animals and leave until someone gets home... there is sometimes some sporadic crying mixed in there also!
5. I get motion sick really fast and really bad, thus the reason I have never been on an airplane, big boat, train, roller coaster, or any other really fast thing that jerks around.
6. I love my husband, like seriously really love him, he lights up my world and I get giddy every time he comes home and I like to make him happy so I cook for him all the time and try and take care of him... and I feel like I sound like a sick puppy, HAH!
7. I feel a lot of guilt, like all the time, if it's not one thing it's another, like for not talking to people as much as I should, then for not finishing stuff I start, and then for not knowing stuff I should.... it really gets to me sometimes....
8. I stare at myself a lot, really really stare, like I could just stare myself down for hours, my dad used to get onto me for just staring at my self, called it narcissism but it's not like I stare at myself and think, "OOH, I'm so hot!" I just stare, with a blank mind, blank eyes, not really looking at myself just STARING!
9. I feel like I don't have many friends, I feel like the friends I do have are good ones, but I don't have many at all. It is so weird because I don't have trouble making friends, I just think I don't try at all.
10. I have a weird fear of disappointing people, like a big fear of it, I think that's where most of my guilt comes from, it's weird though because I don't think people have that big of an expectation from me... it's my own standards... maybe I am worried I disappoint myself.
11. I think so much sometimes that it keeps me up, it's a random ellipse of thoughts that keeps me from doing anything, my thoughts are usually pointless but they just keep coming and don't ever want to stop. The thought turn into sounds and the sounds keep me up for HOURS, I think it worries Robert sometimes.
12. I think the last interesting fact makes me sound a little crazy, like maybe that is the kinda comment that changes people's percetion of me.
13. I have a weird fear of people, all kinds of people, it's mostly my own predisposition towards people, but it's weird, it's mostly dirty people or people with certain styles, I am nervous around hobo's... and I am nervous around gangster people... and I am nervous when it's only me and one other person in a place... I am nervous when people stare... I am nervous when people corner me...
14. I have an obsession with old movies and I kinda wish I were born in the fifties or forties... I kinda wish I could just live in the simpler times like when life was easier and calmer.
15. I think dead things are creepy, perfect example, Robert had a fish die and it was the day after we bought it, so we were taking it back to the pet store and on the way, he decided to take the baggie that contained the fish and put it in my lap... of course I screamed and threw it where ever I could. He just laughed... My sisters used to chase me with dead bugs and cockroaches... it just freaks me out.
It took me almost an hour and a half to write this... hope you find it interesting!
S
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