Where does my happiness fit in?

So, as I have been under alot of stress and been running my poor little brain a mile a minute, I have come to one conclusion. I really think of other people way too much. Now don't  get me wrong I am not trying to say that I am some Mother Theresa and I never think about myself cause I do. I think about myself alot and I do what I want alot. But it seems on the important things where I should really think about myself, it's just not happening.

I was at work two or so days ago and I was bored (as usual) and I decided to help myself make a decision about what I should do for a wedding by making a pro and con list, super smart I know :D lol. Well, I start it off on the temple, I say, eternal marriage, Robert's family will be happy, cheaper, won't have to wait a year. Then I con it up by putting, friends and family won't be there. I turn the page over and pop civil on the top and start with, my family will be happy, mom can help me get ready, keep with traditions, friends can be there. I drop on the con side, not all of Robert's family may come (not sure if we have the civil marriage, if Steph and all the kids will want to come to Texas should we have it there), way more expensive (and I am relatively cheap), and have to wait a year to go through the temple train. :D

Then as I was finishing up the list and decided that it didn't make things any easier it just put all the crap running through my mind on a piece of paper, I started to wonder, I am seriously putting that all these people's happiness before my own, it was crazy, I actually asked myself out loud and everything. Where does my happiness fit in? Then I crumbled up the list and chunked it, didn't want to look at the written stress.

Robert and Jilli and I were in the car the other night and ended up talking about this and I told both of them the whole story, and I am pretty sure it was Robert that brought up something that I didn't know, if we get sealed first, then any children we have are born into the covenant and I wouldn't have to be sealed to them later. That would alleviate some of the fears I am having, I see that my sister is having trouble getting pregnant, and I am pretty sure that my mom had trouble at first, and I know that I have had two miscarriages. So I can't help but think if I get sealed first any kids that I may lose, I will know that they will be on the other side waiting for me.

Robert asked me if I was going to make him make a decision or if I was going to actually pick something. I told him I had to be the one to do it. So the race is on... the decision has to be made... and I think I am going to ask for a blessing and talk to president to help me make a decision or atleast figure out a simple medium. Ugh, life is getting harder.

Stephie