Perfecto Mundo...

So tonight was a perfect night, cold, damp, dank, dreary, clammy... all of those make the perfect night. I know that you may be asking yourself what I could possibly be thinking, but it's 2 in the morning and I have trouble making cognitive thought after a good nights rest much less when I am a little sleep deprived. But I consider it a perfect night cause after I left Robert's the air was so thick and low that the lights almost reflected off of everything making it wonderful and bright. It was an extremely bright night. I loved it.

I rediscovered my Alicia Keys cd. It really is amazing how much emotion goes into a simple thing such as music. I can say that when I put it in and i heard the first few chords of the first song, the prelude to the entire disc, I really was taken back to a time probably 5 years ago. I could feel the comfort of that main street house and everything that was going on in the world. This was before I felt broken, this was before i joined the church, this was before I was tainted with the truth of the world...

I am a firm believe in the ignorance behind the statement, ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is not always bliss. Being shielded and jaded to the real world, makes you naive to every thing around you. It really does stunt your emotional and psychological growth. I am not gonna get into details but I grew up more in 5 years than in the 17 before it. The joy I feel now is true joy, I have gotten past that part of my life and I am moving on to bigger and better things. Life really is going pretty ok right now, I am with my family who is amazing in every aspect of the word. I know that they still have some time here, but I know that when they go I am going to be so sad. I remember the first time MB left, I seriously felt like my world was crushed. I can never say it enough and i know that I should say it more but she means the world to me and I am grateful every day that I am with her. I have a boyfriend that is wonderful to me, he lights up my life! I have a job that I don't like but it gets the bills paid and makes the time drift faster. I have a church and a church family that I would trade for the world.

I really should write Truman and Wallace, I feel TERRIBLE everyday cause I remember at the most inopportune times that I really need to write them. I can't ever tell them how much they mean to me either. I know that a call would probably make their day... It's ok, I hope that God blesses them with a little more sugar everytime I pray cause I know that I thank God for the missionaries every time I pray.

This night was dreadfully perfect.

Ciao,

Steph

just read my last post.

So I just read my last post, and it is hard to believe that in that last message I talked more about my present than I thought. I know it has been forever since I updated this thing, and I really feel bad that I haven't kept up with my "journaling" but it will all work out. So the funny thing is, since that last message I have started dating Robert Provost. He is absolutely amazing. His was one of the numbers I got that night and we started dating exactly one month after that temple trip. Anyways...

I have also made some friendships that I don't want to ever see go. Like I never knew that there were so many people that I could relate to, although I am still having issues opening up to some of the people. I kinda worry that I may be stuck in an endless circle of never opening up until forced to. Then there are still those times where I know that I should cause my experiences will help someone else and I will put my two cents in but I don't think that I will ever open up like I have with Amanda and Dana.

Updates: Amanda's dad died. I can't even imagine what she is going through. I am not going into detail but I know that she will be ok. I really feel bad cause I haven't been there for her as much as I hope I would. I just can't stand to see her upset. She is one of the people that I would give my all. She is mine... I don't ever want to see anything happen to her but I can't keep her sheltered forever. Her family seems to be dealing with this ok, and I know that they are all strong people.

Sariah, had her twins, they are the most adorable babies that I have ever seen. She actually had them right about the time Robert and I started dating so I haven't been to see them much, but I have been over a couple of times and they are the best babies ever. Shannon and Tim are adopting a baby, I feel kinda bad that I haven't been around them much either. I think this week I am going to try and drag Robert over there with me, maybe a little RB and some dinner. Sounds like a plan that just might work. Well maybe not this week now that I think about the schedule.... oh well.

So I have been reading the ensign again, after slacking off for a little bit, and I can't believe how relevant some of the stories are. I am stuck re-reading the conference 2008 edition and I love it. Every story has parables and life lessons that make so much sense. I am starting to feel more confident in my life. I know that I usually have the big questions of what am I really doing here and what is my life really worth, but I just keep my patriarchal blessing in mind and I see how much of it is coming true. I never knew it until now, I am a natural born leader. :D That makes me happier than you know. Anyways, this has turned out to be way longer than I really wanted it to. So remember... live laugh love and forgive you enemies, physically and emotionally.

Stephanie

P.S. I thought of one more: I want someone that will not let me go through life as a shadow.